The Second-Wind

     You know those times in life where you find yourself questioning, "why, Lord; why?"  Whether we choose to admit it, I think we've probably all been there.  In fact, just a few weeks ago, through serious tears and exhaustion, I found myself shouting this question at the top of my lungs in the stairwell of my office building, snot-nosed and tissue laden.  I kid you not-- it was an ugly sight. 
     All at once, out of nowhere, life seemed to be falling apart. (Writing this now, that statement seems a bit dramatic, especially knowing how much God has blessed me in the past few months alone,... but at the time, I felt the ground beneath me was stable as quicksand.)  Without going into too much detail,  I was stressed to the max, worried about things beyond my control, and just plain sleepy and sad.  But more than anything, I was mad-- for more reasons than one, but more than anything, mad at myself for allowing myself to feel these things and mad at what I believed was "weakness".  Oh, the difference two weeks makes when you cry out to Jesus!
     You see, I like to run.  Actually, it's more appropriate in saying I love to run.  It clears my mind.  It refreshes my soul.  It makes me happy.  There's something about lacing up my sneakers, cranking up "Of Monsters and Men" on my headphones, and taking to the pavement that's just so freeing. 

    So this, in part, could be why I practically ran to Irving Plaza for church at Hillsong NYC the Sunday morning following my cry-fest in the stairwell. I was looking for Godly advice, and yearning for uplifting encouragement.  And truthfully, I wanted answers!  Life had been going so great; I had never been happier, so why did I find myself in the situation I was in and feeling so alone? 
    Every single day, I pray God will make me more like Jesus.  It's my deepest desire in life.  And what I'm learning is He will do just that.  When we live in Christ, we will find ourselves in situations that are not idyllic to our human/earthly selves.  But it's the lessons we take from those tough-life situations:  patience, grace, love, forgiveness-- that make us stronger and ultimately more like Jesus in the end. 
    We know the story of Jonah.  The Lord tells him to go to Nineveh and preach against the sin there-- Jonah does the exact opposite.  He boards a boat going the opposite direction-- he thinks he's safe.  But out of nowhere, a storm pops us, it tosses the ship to and fro, and Jonah tells the crew to throw him overboard-- because his own disobedience was cause for the storm!  The crew abides, Jonah gets swallowed by a whale and in the belly of the great fish, Jonah waits-- and waits-- and waits:  for 3 days and 3 nights, he waits.  But what happened during that time determined Jonah's next steps.  God mended him.  In the belly of a fish, God mended Jonah.  The whale spewed him out onto dry land, and off to Nineveh Jonah went.  
     We talked about Jonah that Sunday in church.  The sermon was titled, "Broken. Mended. Second-Winded."  Pastor Rich Wilkerson opened the sermon with a harsh but true fact: "when God speaks to you, often times, He'll tell you to do something you don't really want to do.  And sometimes, you'll find yourself in a situation that you really don't understand?  What am I doing here?  How did I get here?"
     He explained that Jonah was broken inside the belly of a whale. And although his own disobedience led him there, God brought mending to Jonah. Just when Jonah was at his lowliest and loneliest-- God mends Jonah for the "second wind". 
     Pastor Wilkerson then went on to say, that "even in times when disobedience isn't what's got us broken, and life just seems to throw us a curve ball-- we find ourselves hurting, and yes, weak... it's crucial that we don't become discouraged.  For we know, "the joy of the Lord is our strength".  We mustn't misinterpret God's preparation for punishment. He is molding us into the image of His Son!" 
     This is where I found myself.  My heart was hurting, and I was broken.  I hadn't disobeyed God.  So why, Lord, why?
      It wasn't until the following statement, that I felt God practically reach out, tap me on the shoulder, and whisper in my ear: "Casey, listen up."
     "How many of you like to run?  As in, for enjoyment?"  At this question, my hand shot up high above the crowd.  Scattered across the room one or two other people raised their hands, and Pastor Wilkerson laughed and said, "what is wrong with you people-- seriously, who runs for pleasure?"  A few giggles here and there, and I'm beginning to wonder where he's going with this.   
     "For all three of you people in the room that raised your hands (haha), you'll relate to this more so than anyone.  You know those times when you set out on a long run, and you're running and running, and you come to a point where you're out of energy, and you just feel like you can't take another step?"  At this point, I am hanging on every word-- I've been there:  a few miles in, and BAM, I find my muscles aching, to the point where I think my legs may fall off my body. 
     Wilkerson went on, "But just when you feel like you can't go on,.. a favorite song comes blasting out your headphones, your adrenaline spikes, and you find yourself running harder and stronger than you were just minutes before?" 
     "Dirty Paws", a favorite 'OMAM' tune of mine, gets me through every time... 
     "This," Wilkerson stated,... "is the second-wind."
     At this, tears began streaming down my face.  I have been here so many times.  Just when I felt I would fall, the second-wind would come, and I found myself running onward.

     Jesus, too, brings us second-winds.  When we find ourselves broken and to the point where we just want to lay down and die, you can keep running:  the promise that Jesus "will never leave us or forsake us," is our strength!  If we remain in Jesus-- asking Him, in prayer, for healing... and continuously in study of His precious Word, we can have hope that He will get us through any brokenness.  For you see, brokenness is a season, not a destination. 
     You have to make a decision to worship Him through the feelings.  Through this brokenness, He'll provide mending.  He's mending you for the second-wind. 
     So how do you know when you're in the mending stage?  According to Wilkerson, "you'll find the pain hasn't fully gone away, but that you're grateful for what God is doing in your heart". 
     Today, as I sit here at my desk writing this post (during my 5pm "lunch" break, I might add), my heart is at peace, and I find myself thanking Him for the mending that's taking place in me right now.  My prayer life is growing; I have been talking to God out loud this past week, and there's no doubt in my mind He hears me.  He's working in me.  He's mending my heart, and making me more like Jesus.  Patience, forgiveness, humility and love-- I yearn for these traits, to share them in abundance, to be what is known as the Proverbs 31 woman. 

***

"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." 

 Proverbs 31:25
The New Living Translation describes her like this:  "...she laughs without fear of the future.
***

     I know not what tomorrow may bring, but I have no worries of the "days to come".  Jesus is bringing the second-wind, and I am living out the prayer, "Your kingdom come, Your will be done." Instead of trying to create my own story, I am living the one He has written for me. 
     My Jesus is running the race with me.  Forever encouraging me every step of the way.  Faster and stronger, I am experiencing the second-wind.