One year ago today, I embarked on a new
journey: my own personal "pursuit of happiness". I decided it was time to take a leap of faith and leave my full-time news producing job and go forth into, what I like to call, "land of the unknown".
Straight out of college, I had been blessed with the opportunity to work as an associate producer at the local NBC affiliate station near my hometown. I had interned there the semester before graduating, and was excited to be taking the first real step towards my career in journalism. I started out as an "on-call" AP, with an ever-changing schedule, sometimes working mornings, other times evenings, and yes, even the occasional exhausting overnight shift. I was bound and determined to show my boss how much I wanted to be there, and to learn as much as I could in all areas of the newsroom. Thankfully, my hard work paid off, and within my first few months of being hired, I was promoted from an "on-call" AP to... "morning show AP", which is where I ultimately wanted to be all along, considering my love of morning shows! (...Today Show, anyone?) Yes, the position came with a hard-hitting, punch-in-the-gut schedule (Wednesday through Friday, I clocked in at midnight, and weekends- an early 3a.m. start to my day), but I ultimately fell in love with more laid-back approach of the morning newscast. During this time, my personal life was on hiatus. I hardly had the chance to see my family, let alone my friends, and as someone that literally thrives on sunshine, I had to black out my bedroom windows at an attempt to sleep during the day. Still, I tried to keep up with my normal routines, meeting my best friend for the occasional yawn-filled breakfast after work, going for daily half-hearted runs, and sitting through Sunday sermons, "Amen's" jolting me awake, as I fought to keep my eyes open. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed my job at the station, and the people I worked with became friends whom I still cherish today. But it was on the drive home one morning, that I asked myself this question: "Casey, where are you headed and what's your next step at getting there?" Driving down the interstate that morning, I deliberated for my answer. Since childhood, I had dreamed of growing up and finding not only a job and career that I was passionate about, but a
life that I was in love with. So, in that car, it was then and there that I decided to take the next step on my life journey... to take a chance and "leap", so to speak. A few weeks later-- one year since my first day at the news station, I nervously put in my two-weeks notice.
New York City has been on my life radar as far back as I can remember. I have longed to live and work in the "Concrete Jungle" from the first time I realized the location of "Studio 1A at Rockefeller Plaza". So, at 23 years old, I decided that's where I was headed.
To catch you up, my junior year of college, I volunteered for my first freelance production job, assisting in the talent department for the CMA (Country music) Awards show. I worked as many hours as possible, and the following year I was invited to work the show again, and this time on payroll! It was this go-around that I began to meet people and form friendships, and with much thanks to the Lord above-- I learned the meaning of "networking". I fell in love with the world of event production, and though I still had (and still have) a passion for news and political journalism, I dreamed of an opportunity to be part of some of the most well-known and beloved events and awards shows known to man. While working an event in NYC (thanks to my wonderful friend Carrie P, whom I truly owe a lot to), I had the pleasure of meeting other freelance production workers, and I expressed my dream of living and working in the city. Many of them offered words of encouragement: "now is the time to go for it!", "do it while you're young", "life's all about taking chances and going for your dreams!"-- and said that if I ever decided to make the move, to let them know and they would keep me in the loop on upcoming opportunities for work. I kept this in the back of my mind, and after deciding to leave the news station and take the next step in my career, I began looking for housing in NY.
I prayed and prayed that God would put the perfect opportunity before me, so when an old high school friend emailed me saying she was living in NY and would be happy for me to room with her, I jumped at the offer without hesitation. I gave my two-weeks notice, thanking my co-workers and peers for every opportunity and expressing how much I had learned from and loved them all, and shed many tears in the process of saying "good-bye". They gave me their good graces, wishing me all the best in my endeavors, and reassured me if things didn't work out, that I'd always have a place to come back to, which I was so grateful for.
My last day at the station was a memorable one: September 11, 2011-- the ten year anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. After my last morning newscast, I sat at my desk watching footage of the memorial ceremony taking place at Ground Zero. They were unveiling the new 9/11 memorial, and I thought to myself, "I'll get to visit there and pay my respects in just a few days." I pulled up my email to write a few personal "good-byes" and "thank yous", and noticed a message from my friend and soon-to-be new roomy. She was telling me, things had not worked out and unfortunately my room had fallen through! I was in shock. There, during the last few minutes on the final day at my job, I found out that my "plan" had been thrown out like a "what was new, is now old" news script. What was I going to do? Where was I going to go? God help me.
After leaving the station, I called my mom and told her the news, sobbing hysterically into the phone. She said these simple words that resonated within my heart, and still do even now: "Casey, has God ever let you down before?" Even at that moment when it felt like all hope was lost, I knew the answer was "no". So I dried it up and began praying out loud in my car. "Please Jesus, I don't know what I'm going to do. I need your help." I was already booked to work two events (the first in NY, the second in D.C.) the upcoming week, so I decided to fly up to NY, sleep on my friend's couch, work the event, take the train down to D.C.- stay with another friend who lived there, then fly home. So that's what I did. I worked the Andrea Bocceli concert, which was live (and underneath the stars) in Central Park- a sight to and sound to behold, then went on to work the Nickelodeon's "World-Wide Day of Play" in front of the White House! And I had the chance to connect with two old friends (one in NY (thank you Leslie!), the other in D.C. (love you Rachael!)).
Afterwards, I flew home to TN and booked any event or show offered to me, but I still hadn't given up on making it to and settling down in Manhattan. A few weeks later, I flew to LA and worked the Nickelodeon HALO Awards show, where I met an actress/dancer who was looking to sublease her NY apartment for 3 months because she had booked a gig on a cruise ship. Perfect! I was sold. I told her I was interested, and that was that. I didn't think twice about it. I packed up my things and flew back to NY. And guess what: it was a no-go. Yep... I'm not making this up. Her show had fallen through, and it turned out she wouldn't be subleasing her room after all (which of course wasn't her fault- she was an absolute sweetheart).
It was then that I found myself at the end of my rope. I was upset, I was mad. Why was this happening? Just when I thought a door was opening- BOOM- it shut in my face. So what else was I to do but hop a plane back home.
I like to think this is the exact spot in my life where I found myself most vulnerable and willing to let go and give in to the Father. One night not long after my second defeat, I found myself sitting in my bedroom floor, tears streaming down my face, pouring over my Bible, looking for any sign of comfort, an answer. Why had my plan fallen through- not once, but twice? I had always put God first, or so I though, and doesn't the Bible say when you do that, "He will give you the desires of your heart"? Wasn't my deepest desire to live and work in NY? ...and then, there was the answer to my question. When I started putting
my goal above the will of Christ-- seeking
my dream of the city, more than seeking
His will for my life, I knew those supposedly "open doors" were shut by Him, for me. And it was in that exact spot that I thanked him for those closed doors, and began praying that "His will be done, not mine".
I went to bed that night with more peace about where I was in my life, than I did on those nights that I thought I had a plan. There is no peace like His peace. I didn't worry what the next day would bring, or the next month for that matter. I knew I was in His arms, and that He would not only guide, but carry me.
A few short days later, I began receiving emails from some of my freelance networks: there was an event going on in Nashville, another in D.C., two events in NY; would I be interested? I happily obliged, and flew in to work the shows, then flew back home a few days later. The holidays approached and in December, I flew to D.C. to work the lighting of the National Christmas Tree, then back home to spend Christmas with my family. I had the best of both worlds, really. I got to travel, I got to do a job that I loved, I got to see my family and my friends. I had time to join my church choir (something I had wanted to do for a very long time)
and help with Sunday school. And I had never been happier.
Shortly after New Year's I received an email that would truly change my life. It was from a girl in NY, who works in the travel department for the Tribeca Film Festival (insert "Carrie V" here- you are truly wonderful!) and she wondered if I'd be interested in working the festival? I would have to work at the NY office for two months in the spring. I had been referred to her by a mutual friend and freelance production co-worker, and she had heard I was living in the city. I told her about my crazy whirlwind of a ride, the two housing opportunities that had fallen through, but that I would definitely be interested if I could find a place to stay. I began to pray that only if it was His will for me to work the festival, that things should fall into place. And what do you know... a family friend of mine had a niece (Noel, you rock) who would rent out her loft to me for the two-month stint. I took the job, went to NY and stayed with my new short-term roomy, and things could not have been more perfect. I had the time of my life working Tribeca with Carrie V., and staying with Noel, and I knew God presented the perfect opportunity to me; an opportunity to get to experience living and working in the city, even if it was only for a little while.
But before heading to Tribeca, I had another little God-given surprise! I booked an event out in Las Vegas, and made the decision (one that had many people thinking I had lost my mind) to
drive cross-country for the trip. But considering that "to see the Grand Canyon" was on the list of my "2012 New Year's Resolutions", I knew that God had provided me with this chance. And yes- it was worth every minute and every
mile in that car.
Moving on to Tribeca,... during this time, I received news that I would get to go back to London for the summer! I had been selected to serve as a student mentor/RA for the study abroad program I had studied with back in college. My freelance schedule allowed for me to be gone 6 weeks,.. yet another God-given opportunity.
Fast-forward to today: it has been one year ago today, that I set out on my own personal pursuit of happiness. As I sit here and write this, and think about the journey I've been on, just in the past year-- I can do nothing but
smile. Yes, I have gone through valleys, but the view from the mountain-tops made this year-long trip worthwhile. I wouldn't trade a single day. Since taking that leap-of-faith a year ago, I never would have guessed I'd have the opportunity to travel for work in NY, DC, LA, Vegas, then across the pond to London (be part of the Olympic summer games), as well as visit Paris, Scotland and Rome. And just last week, I flew back to LA to work the MTV "VMA's", and also had the chance to visit with a friend (I love you, Karen!) and my wonderful family members who live there.
Since that night I sat crying on my bedroom floor, God has done a number on my heart. As much as I thought I had trusted Him before, I have found that I have complete trust in Him today. Last night during my Bible study, He (yet again) amazed me with a verse I happened to stumble upon. I know without a doubt, that He pointed me to that page, to that exact verse, a present just for me. It read:
"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." - Proverbs 19:21
I found this verse to be extremely fitting for this anniversary of mine, and I thanked Him for His beautiful words of wisdom. If there's one lesson I have learned from this past year, it is this: we might think we have a plan as to where we're headed, but if we lose sight of the "North Star" and forget to use our Bible as our road map through life's journey, it's then that we get off track.
Finally to end (and if you've stayed with me this long- thank you, you're almost there)... I now know that what I thought to be my heart's deepest desire (to live and work in NYC) is only a dream and a passion. It turns out, He knows us better than we know ourselves. For my love of continuous travel is far more deep than setting up camp full-time in Manhattan... for now, anyways. And God knows that, which is why His plans for me are far better than my plans for myself!
The Bible reads, "Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." May we never forget, the second half of this verse is not complete without the first: "Delight yourself in the Lord..." For it is Him who should be our hearts deepest desire.
HE is the deepest desire of my heart. His will for my life, is my heart's desire. I long to live a life that brings Him glory, not me. And I have found my "pursuit of happiness" in Him. "Happy anniversary", to me.
*A funny note: I took the photo (up top) of a sunset and added the text ("Enjoy the Journey") with a photo editing program several months ago. So you can imagine my delight when, just days ago, while in LA, I was online and found this necklace (above) at a little store near my hometown! Thank you Michelle for saving it for me, and thank you Courtney for purchasing it for me, until I could fly home to get it!
It's perfect. :)
