a CHEERful year's end

     2013: Where has the time gone? It's been a while since I've written here, but not so long that I've written entirely.  I've been doing a lot of handwritten journaling lately, and well, much has happened since my last post!  A new year is about to begin and with it new plans are being made.  Like for instance, I do plan to catch you up on some of the lessons I've learned, foods I've eaten, places I've visited, and pretties I've purchased since my last blog entry, but until then... I'm leaving you with a little "taste" of what's to come!
      A hint:  I traveled back to my favorite city this past summer, and considering I woke up today with a case of what I like to call "the London blues", this cheerful recipe from my favorite, Free People Blog, was just what I needed to pull me out of my homesick-feeling slump.
     These delicious Cranberry-Lemon Scones are the perfect antidote for lifting spirits whether you're feeling down because the holidays are nearing an end, or perhaps like me, you're just missing the city of your heart.
     I made a fresh batch this morning, and take it from me; they're as delicious as the ones I once devoured across the pond!

Cranberry-Lemon Scones

Find the recipe here.

Enjoy, and cheers!

...Happy cooking, and a happy and blessed New Year!

The Second-Wind

     You know those times in life where you find yourself questioning, "why, Lord; why?"  Whether we choose to admit it, I think we've probably all been there.  In fact, just a few weeks ago, through serious tears and exhaustion, I found myself shouting this question at the top of my lungs in the stairwell of my office building, snot-nosed and tissue laden.  I kid you not-- it was an ugly sight. 
     All at once, out of nowhere, life seemed to be falling apart. (Writing this now, that statement seems a bit dramatic, especially knowing how much God has blessed me in the past few months alone,... but at the time, I felt the ground beneath me was stable as quicksand.)  Without going into too much detail,  I was stressed to the max, worried about things beyond my control, and just plain sleepy and sad.  But more than anything, I was mad-- for more reasons than one, but more than anything, mad at myself for allowing myself to feel these things and mad at what I believed was "weakness".  Oh, the difference two weeks makes when you cry out to Jesus!
     You see, I like to run.  Actually, it's more appropriate in saying I love to run.  It clears my mind.  It refreshes my soul.  It makes me happy.  There's something about lacing up my sneakers, cranking up "Of Monsters and Men" on my headphones, and taking to the pavement that's just so freeing. 

    So this, in part, could be why I practically ran to Irving Plaza for church at Hillsong NYC the Sunday morning following my cry-fest in the stairwell. I was looking for Godly advice, and yearning for uplifting encouragement.  And truthfully, I wanted answers!  Life had been going so great; I had never been happier, so why did I find myself in the situation I was in and feeling so alone? 
    Every single day, I pray God will make me more like Jesus.  It's my deepest desire in life.  And what I'm learning is He will do just that.  When we live in Christ, we will find ourselves in situations that are not idyllic to our human/earthly selves.  But it's the lessons we take from those tough-life situations:  patience, grace, love, forgiveness-- that make us stronger and ultimately more like Jesus in the end. 
    We know the story of Jonah.  The Lord tells him to go to Nineveh and preach against the sin there-- Jonah does the exact opposite.  He boards a boat going the opposite direction-- he thinks he's safe.  But out of nowhere, a storm pops us, it tosses the ship to and fro, and Jonah tells the crew to throw him overboard-- because his own disobedience was cause for the storm!  The crew abides, Jonah gets swallowed by a whale and in the belly of the great fish, Jonah waits-- and waits-- and waits:  for 3 days and 3 nights, he waits.  But what happened during that time determined Jonah's next steps.  God mended him.  In the belly of a fish, God mended Jonah.  The whale spewed him out onto dry land, and off to Nineveh Jonah went.  
     We talked about Jonah that Sunday in church.  The sermon was titled, "Broken. Mended. Second-Winded."  Pastor Rich Wilkerson opened the sermon with a harsh but true fact: "when God speaks to you, often times, He'll tell you to do something you don't really want to do.  And sometimes, you'll find yourself in a situation that you really don't understand?  What am I doing here?  How did I get here?"
     He explained that Jonah was broken inside the belly of a whale. And although his own disobedience led him there, God brought mending to Jonah. Just when Jonah was at his lowliest and loneliest-- God mends Jonah for the "second wind". 
     Pastor Wilkerson then went on to say, that "even in times when disobedience isn't what's got us broken, and life just seems to throw us a curve ball-- we find ourselves hurting, and yes, weak... it's crucial that we don't become discouraged.  For we know, "the joy of the Lord is our strength".  We mustn't misinterpret God's preparation for punishment. He is molding us into the image of His Son!" 
     This is where I found myself.  My heart was hurting, and I was broken.  I hadn't disobeyed God.  So why, Lord, why?
      It wasn't until the following statement, that I felt God practically reach out, tap me on the shoulder, and whisper in my ear: "Casey, listen up."
     "How many of you like to run?  As in, for enjoyment?"  At this question, my hand shot up high above the crowd.  Scattered across the room one or two other people raised their hands, and Pastor Wilkerson laughed and said, "what is wrong with you people-- seriously, who runs for pleasure?"  A few giggles here and there, and I'm beginning to wonder where he's going with this.   
     "For all three of you people in the room that raised your hands (haha), you'll relate to this more so than anyone.  You know those times when you set out on a long run, and you're running and running, and you come to a point where you're out of energy, and you just feel like you can't take another step?"  At this point, I am hanging on every word-- I've been there:  a few miles in, and BAM, I find my muscles aching, to the point where I think my legs may fall off my body. 
     Wilkerson went on, "But just when you feel like you can't go on,.. a favorite song comes blasting out your headphones, your adrenaline spikes, and you find yourself running harder and stronger than you were just minutes before?" 
     "Dirty Paws", a favorite 'OMAM' tune of mine, gets me through every time... 
     "This," Wilkerson stated,... "is the second-wind."
     At this, tears began streaming down my face.  I have been here so many times.  Just when I felt I would fall, the second-wind would come, and I found myself running onward.

     Jesus, too, brings us second-winds.  When we find ourselves broken and to the point where we just want to lay down and die, you can keep running:  the promise that Jesus "will never leave us or forsake us," is our strength!  If we remain in Jesus-- asking Him, in prayer, for healing... and continuously in study of His precious Word, we can have hope that He will get us through any brokenness.  For you see, brokenness is a season, not a destination. 
     You have to make a decision to worship Him through the feelings.  Through this brokenness, He'll provide mending.  He's mending you for the second-wind. 
     So how do you know when you're in the mending stage?  According to Wilkerson, "you'll find the pain hasn't fully gone away, but that you're grateful for what God is doing in your heart". 
     Today, as I sit here at my desk writing this post (during my 5pm "lunch" break, I might add), my heart is at peace, and I find myself thanking Him for the mending that's taking place in me right now.  My prayer life is growing; I have been talking to God out loud this past week, and there's no doubt in my mind He hears me.  He's working in me.  He's mending my heart, and making me more like Jesus.  Patience, forgiveness, humility and love-- I yearn for these traits, to share them in abundance, to be what is known as the Proverbs 31 woman. 

***

"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." 

 Proverbs 31:25
The New Living Translation describes her like this:  "...she laughs without fear of the future.
***

     I know not what tomorrow may bring, but I have no worries of the "days to come".  Jesus is bringing the second-wind, and I am living out the prayer, "Your kingdom come, Your will be done." Instead of trying to create my own story, I am living the one He has written for me. 
     My Jesus is running the race with me.  Forever encouraging me every step of the way.  Faster and stronger, I am experiencing the second-wind. 



True Beauty

     Growth.  I'm going through some deep, profound growth in my relationship with Jesus right now.  I've found that just when I feel like I'm at a "good place" in Our relationship,.. satan (who doesn't deserve to be in the same sentence with our God) jerks the rug out from under me, and I fall hard.  But even when I fall, I don't break.  My Savior is there to catch me; He rescues me all over again, and His light consumes the dark.  He is glorified, I grow in my faith, and through it all, I become more like Jesus.
    Our Lord's grace cannot be contained.  It is neverending.  It is ever sustaining.  The same grace that saves us, is the same grace that sustains us.  Praise Jesus.  It is by grace you and I have been saved.
     More on the above, later, but until then...
     Today, my amazing/beautiful/God-loving friend:  Carrie V, shared this video with me, which in turn, I'd like to share with all of you.  (Lindsay:  shout out to you for sharing it with Carrie. You two are truly amazing.)  Pretty sure this thing is going viral now...  Matt Lauer will probably be talking about it on 'Today" tomorrow morning...

See the sketches, and read more here.
   

    God continues to reveal many wonders and truths to this heart of mine, and I welcome them gladly, ready to accept.  He continues to mold and shape me into the image of His Son-- the epitome of true beauty.    
    

"Love is War"

     "Turn my eyes to see Your face, as all my fears surrender. 

Hold my heart within this Grace, where burden turns to wonder...

Let Your love be my companion."

 

Jesus.

hillSONG

    This past Sunday, I attended church at Hillsong NYC.  We sang this song, which just so happenes to be one of favorites, and I have had it on repeat each day since.  As you begin your Wednesday, take a few minutes to listen.  Hear the words of this song, and know them in your heart.  But above all:  go out and share this great and powerful news!  "I will rise, as Christ was raised to life. Now in Him... I live."  

~Happy Wednesday!

"beautiful creatures"

     In the words of Martina McBride, "this one's for the girls".  I mean technically, the guys could appreciate this post, too.  But today, I am particularly speaking to my sisters.
     Beauty.  We all strive for it.  We long for it from the time we are a little girl to the day we close our eyes in death.  Every girl-- young and old, wants to be "beautiful".  How else will our Prince Charming notice us?

     Why is it that we put so much work into being beautiful?  Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to look a certain way, weigh a certain number, fit into an unrealistic jean size?  Truth is, we already know the answer. It's the photo-shopped girls staring back at us from the magazine stands at the check-out line.  The painted faces declaring that we should be wearing this type of eyeshadow and that color lipstick.  The Hollywood movie star kissing her lover, his hands wrapped delicately aroud her petite 22-inch waist.  We put the blood, sweat and tears into being "beautiful" because we haven't realized, believed or accepted the true meaning of beauty.  Oh, we get what the world is telling us about beauty and how we'll never actually attain it.  But just like everything else of the world, this is a misconception, better yet, it's a lie. 
     1 Peter 3 verses 3-4 is at the top of my list of favorite verses from the Bible.  "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.  Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."  Daughter of the Lord, do you realize what this is saying?  You've probably heard your mother tell you once or twice, that beauty comes from within.  Turns out, ole' mom wasn't so old-fashioned in her way of thinking after all!
     Today, my heart was blessed after reading a beautifully written article titled, "What Is Beautiful?" (click to read).  The writer does an amazing job of redefining how we characterize beauty, and I really encourage you to read it. It ultimately inspired me to write this post, something I think God has been preparing me to write for several months.
      I have this friend.  She is a really great friend.  I've talked her ears off (figuratively), and I've cried on her shoulder (literally).  She comes to me for advice.  I share with her what I know.  We pray together.  In fact, I pray for her all the time.  She is awesome.  And, she is beautiful.  But like most of us, sometimes, she has a hard time believing it. 
     There's one day in particular that stands out in my mind between my friend and me.  I had just recently returned from a summer abroad in Europe, and I quite possibly consumed more pastries, pasta and gelato than I normally would here in the States.  Needless to say, I put on a few pounds.  Determined to get the extra weight off, I started a strict diet of protein, veggies, and carb-friendly meal bars (yuck).  I wanted to build my running mileage back up to where it had been before my travels, and I figured this diet of mine was the quickest way to do it. Then there was the fact that I returned home to a bridesmaid dress that had once fit perfectly and now wouldn't zip; and the wedding just so happened to be the following weekend! Yikes... (that's another story-- but yeah, we made it work; didn't we Michelle!) 
     So as I was saying,... this one particular day, I was eating my 'cardboard' meal bar and my friend asks why I'm eating this piece of junk.  I'm going on about wanting to lose a few pounds and improve on my running time, tone up a bit, yadda yadda, and she's looking at me like I'm out in left field.  I'm like, "you wouldn't understand, you're a skinny gut!", and she looks at me, with a hint of saddness in her eyes, that I'll never be able to forget.  She then tells me she had once been overweight and had struggled with an eating disorder throughout high school.  She says there were days when she would eat nothing more than cereal and water, while other days, she would binge and purge on boxes of cookies and bags of chips.  She explained that she would go to the gym and walk on the treadmill for hours at a time.  She admits that during this time, she dropped a lot of weight, but says she was plaiged with moodswings.  The smallest of things would make her angry, and she would, at times, shout out at the people she loved the most.  As she was telling me all of this, I asked her why she would do this to herself. She explained that when it come to herself, to be beautiful meant being skinny.  This made me sad; it still does when I think back to that conversation. 
     Since that day though, something has changed within me.  I've done some reevaluating, and was finally honest with myself about why I was freaking out about losing those extra 5 pounds I had acquired in Europe.  I was mad at myself for eating that croissant in Paris, disgusted with all the toast I had consumed in London, furious for indulging in that extra scoop of gelato in Rome.  But I've since come to realize just how silly I was being.  I had been associating beauty (or the lack thereof) with the extra 5 pounds staring back at me in the mirror.  True:  I had been taught the definition of true beauty (something that's found on the inside) throughout my childhood.  And for the most part, I understood it and believed it.  But there was still something ingrained within me that told myself I should look a certain way. 
     I would like to add though, how important I think it is to live a healthy lifestyle.  We should be making wise food choices everyday, in addition to being active.  And I think this is part of Godly living:  because "our body is God's temple". (1 Cor 6:19)  But when we begin obsessing over the scale-- or the mirror for that matter, that's a sign that we're attempting to find our identity in the world's perception of ourselves, rather than in Christ.

     This past weekend, my friend Carrie V. introduced me to a group of 10 girls with whom she attends church.  We had the opportunity to fellowship with one another, and I was encouraged to read their group study:  a book called "Perfectly Unique" by Annie Downs.  It explains how we are to glorify and praise God with our whole self, our whole body-- "from head to foot".  I've just finished the second chapter, so I've a little ways to go before I finish, but I can already tell you: so far, I like what I've read.  I encourage you to go buy this book, and read along with me.  There's a lot of girl-realted truth in there, something each of can relate to.
     As I sat there, enjoying my dinner at the Olive Garden, and getting to know each of the girls, I was overcome with appreciation for the magnificent craftsmanship of Our Creator.  Each of my new friends-- different in appearance and in personality.  Some shy, others who should consider a comedic profession. But each of them with one thing in common: glowing with love for Jesus, each beautiful.
     Coming from a girl who has a deep love for art:  all things Van Gogh, Monet, and Pollack-- I have to admit there is One Artist who surpasses them all.  Variations of hair textures (curly, straight, thick, fine) and eye colors; freckles, hawk noses and full lips; full-figured beauties and petite dolls, too: every last detail thought out by the One who made you.  The desires in your heart, your personaltiy quirks, even down to the way you laugh-- He designed every little detail.  He made only one of you.  You're one of a kind.  And if that doesn't make your heart flutter, hear this:  You were worth the work, and you were worth His time-- the Creator of the world, chose to create you.  You are special.  You are part of His plan.  And yes:  you are beautiful.  Accept it.  Live it.  Believe it.                     
    
                  

                         

"Bitter or Better"

     We've all had our feelings hurt. Our toes stepped on, our pride wounded. I bet you don't have a hard time thinking of a "friend" who's recently talked smack behind your back.  People have done us in, treated us wrong, acted unfairly.  In fact, you're just not sure you can let this one go without taking to Facebook and calling them out on it! That would serve them right, wouldn't it?

     Now, also tell me this... Just how many of us can say that we've never been the high tempered, sharp-tongued, toe stompee? Can you count on one hand the number of people you've whispered about, made fun of, or envied, in the past 24 hours alone? Whether you've said these things aloud to a friend or just thought them to yourself:  maybe about the co-worker who sits lazily at her desk while you work feverishly away at your keyboard ("having to take up her slack..."); or the classmate who just walked into the room wearing the new pair of boots you were so desperately hoping to buy (as you eye her up and down, then roll your eyes as she walks past).  Ouch. Truth smacks us hard in the face, doesn't it?  We've all been there, done that. 
     I think it's easy to, sometimes, call people out on their short-comings and keep a blind eye to our own.  Jesus says in Matthew 7 verses 3-4:  "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?  How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye', when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?"  Wow. This is powerful stuff.
     The reality is, we get angry.  And yes: there are times when we are justified in our anger.  We also get hurt.  We can't wrap our minds around the lies that our enemies tell about us, and it's painful.  But it's also inescapable-- it's in the world we live, and it's also in us.  "IT" is sin. We all fall short.  You've been wronged, but chances are you've wronged someone too.  Good thing we have a Savior that covers all that, isn't it? 
     So how do we cope with it all?  Where do we go from here?  Do we make up?  Do we stay mad forever?  Or do we sweep it under the rug, and pretend it all never happened?  Let's decide...
     The Bible says, "Do not let the sun go down on your anger." (Ephesians 4:26)  And personally, I believe these are words to live by (as is everything else God-breathed).  I can tell you from experience:  sometimes, it's hard to let stuff go.  There have been times when I've thought to myself-- "I cannot believe he did this to me".  Or, "she said what about me?" "How could she feel this way about me? I've always been so nice to her.".... you get the picture.  But I can also tell you firsthand, when your identity is found in Jesus (see my post: "Identity Crisis"), and you are striving to live like Him, you'll begin to look at things a lot differently.  Introducing:  forgiveness.   
     A few things regarding forgiveness: 

• It's important to note that in some instances, forgiveness isn't a one-time thing.  There are times when we've been so deeply hurt, that every day we have to say a prayer that God will heal our heart and take away the pain as well as the bitterness.      
• Secondly, I can't tell you how many times I've heard people say, "I'll forgive them when they ask me to."  HA!  That's a laugh.  Seriously, let me make this clear:  this does not exempt you from forgiving someone. Now, I'm not saying that you have to reconcile your relationship with them in every situation. There are times when we have to "come out and be separated" from people because of certain circumstances. But if we are unable to let go of the bitterness in our heart that's aimed at a person or persons, I have to believe we are missing something crucial.  Instead, we should really be praying for them. Praying that they'll come to know Jesus, the only One capable of changing the heart.  Matthew 5:44 "But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you".
• Which leads me to my final point:  if you've ever prayed for Jesus to forgive you, do you think He hesitates to do so?  This one's a no brainer.  Of course He doesn't.  So why on earth would we think we have the audacity to not do the same?  ..."Jesus, please forgive me,.. but Lord I just can't forgive them."  That's a no-go, jack. 

     If you take anything away from this post, let it be this:  we are called to be forgivers.  And I can justify saying this because followers of Christ are called to be like Christ.  If our identity is in Christ, we are called to live like Christ.  And Christ is a forgiver.  He is The Forgiver. 
     Also, if you're honest with yourself, I think you'd agree it's harder work being bitter than it is at feeling better.  There's a song by Matthew West that's really became a favorite of mine.  It says, "the prisoner that it really frees is you: forgiveness".  How true we will find this to be.  Take a listen; I think it will bless your heart.

 
     "Help me now to give what You gave to me: forgiveness."   May this forever be our prayer.  May this forever be our life.  One of forgiveness.